akane1412

I guess it is time to return again...
I need to find a way to quit her... even for just friendship I know she can easily quit me now so I should find a way to do the same...

I already knew I'm not as important as her bf, duh, I'm not as important as her friend... in fact I wonder if she even really realises what's going on ... what she's doing or saying...
In a way it's like I'm being kicked out since I am getting in the middle of her and her rl...

She can't stay up to chat with me, but she stays up for her bf... she wants to go back to normal sleeping habits but she wakes up at 10am her time because I wake her up ... and yet she says she can only sleep 6 hours... something is wrong right...? it's not just my math that's horrible right?

Is the internet really as unimportant as that...? even if we've talked on the phone... even if we send sms...
Though she doesn't do any much anymore... heh... one sided is it?

I wonder what I can do to keep myself busy and get my mind out of her... drawing doesn't help, playing doesn't help, reading doesn't help...

She complained of that Inga or whatever girl... but she's doing what she described... although she says she cares... she doesn't show it at all... the only time she gives me is free time, spare time, useless time for her I guess...

I guess it's time to restart this...
I need to vent, I have no one to help me with that... I really no longer have anyone to listen to me...

I love Andreea so much, it hurts when she's not around... she getting tired of me probably though... I'm so clingy

She's sick today... but she seemed fine in the sms ... was she lying then...? Was she with her bf...? was she trying to cheer me up...?
I don't know ... can't ask anymore


I'm so tired... and no matter if I rest I won't get better... I'm hungry but not for food... I'm anxious but time won't help, I'm cold but it's not the weather


I think... I'm lonelier now than I ever was in past


Need to leave in a bit... wonder if she will come back till then... I can only hope..

My cat... died... hit by a car... yesterday

I loved him more than anything ... I guess I loved him more than I love people... I loved him more than I love my dog

The car hit his head and he had his eyes open so I guess he didn't have time to suffer... his eyes were red I couldn't look well to see if they were still there or not...

I know he died but it's like I still hope to see him or hear him... well I kinda see him and hear him around the house but when I look he's not there

He wasn't even one year old this is unfair

I'm almost 20...
With March starting ... soon it's my birthday and I turn 20 ... ._.
I don't want to turn 20 ... ._.
Though at this point I know quite well already that time won't go back... sigh

I haven't heard from Sofia since the beginning of the month. I probably won't see her for my birthday. Though at least ... unlike christmas, this won't be the first.


I got a lover now ... online.

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Sofia is your soulmate. You truly love Adriana. You consider Diogo your true friend. You know that Kyubi is always thinking of you. You'll remember Diego for the rest of your life. You secretly think Sofia is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. You secretly think that Livia is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. You secretly think that Mafalda is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Mafalda changes lovers faster than underwear. You secretly think Sofia is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Sofia has a hidden internet romance.

I've been doing some quizzes.
I thought I should post that one here... and btw, according to, I lost count of how many quizzes I took, I'm severely depressed ... but if I truly am then it's just because I'm an idiot <.< >.>

In the end she didn't come back for Christmas or new year ... so maybe I will only see her on February... or if that chance is no possible maybe only on easter?
For the first time I finally believe that's best to get used to missing someone than just hurting from it everyday. So I wish to hurry up and get used to this because the past is never coming back right? it will just get further away actually...

Actually, she is online on msn, I said "Hi ^_^" and got no reply.
She will probably go offline just like that, withouth even a hi back...
I know she is busy studying but then why turn on msn? is she waiting for someone else? probably---
I need to stop thinking about this I need to stop!

Btw I may be wrong on this since I don't remember for sure but I think today marks 4 years since I meet Diego.
It's been so long already~~~ but it fells like it was just a while ago...
And it's been over 8 years now since I meet Sofia.

Time sure flies though now it feels like it stopped...
I wish for it to fly even faster!

I'm feeling waaaayyyy better :D

I've been calling Sofia a lot these days but the call wouldn't connect to her cellphone and I was awfully worried, thinking all sorts of crazy things...
But then by chance in one of the calls I heard an automatic reply in english and decided to call her again but with the UK prefix and it worked :D but since it would be expensive to actually call I just left it to ring once XD and a while ago she did the same back.

So no matter what I'm just glad that she is fine :D
I don't care anymore that she didn't say a word before, as long as she is ok I don't care ^^

Sooo...
I don't know who will read this but I will just type it away...


Diego, one month ago I lost my job. I was fired for no valid reason at all, just because some guy there didn't like me.
So yeah ^^º things didn't work out after all...
I wanted to chat with you but you never appeared online... actually I'm worried...

I haven't left home in a week... I heard rain but I didn't actually see it or feel it ... It's like I'm locked inside but the truth is that ... I don't even have a place to go...

Tough tomorrow I'm meeting with Livia :D I can't wait ... I miss her!
I haven't seen her in like ... 2 weeks.

I'm lonely...
I want to see my classmates ... I want to see Vera, I want to see ... even Telmo and Mafalda ... I want to see them all again.

And then there's Sofia... I haven't seen her in like two months.
I saw her online twice these last few days but whenever I said hi she went offline without a word... it hurts like that... am I being ignored I wonder...?
And ... some days ago... or was it last week? ... uhhh she called me ... asking what I wanted for a present since she was at a manga store ... though everything was in French so she would get me something at ghoul gear over here but... Even though his intention was nice ... it made me kind of sad ... that after about 8 years she can't think of a present for me ... I don't care if it's the cheapest thing around!

I love it the best, when someone picks a present to me cuz... they saw it and thought of me or it reminded them of me or ... it's just something they know I will like...
If it's something I choose myself ... isn't it the same as a grandfather giving money?

Anyway more than a present ... I just want to be able to meet.
I would also like to introduce Sofia to Fabio...




And again this year my house has no christmas stuff on it ... save for some presents I have to give and some presents my sister received from her friends.

My parents have no presents for me or my sister as they gave us 10€ each, my grandfather gave us 15€ each and the rest of the family will probably just drop by with some candies or crap like that and leave right after.

I don't feel like it's christmas at all though I picked presents for those closest to me with lots of love.
I hope they will like and I hope I will be able to meet Sofia to give her, her present...


Forgot to say!
On a brighter note I've been trying hard to draw better and I think I may be having some success though I'm still FAAAARRRR from being "okay".
Still, I'm proud :3

http://akane1412.deviantart.com/

Hyde - Roengten

I lie awake beside the window sill

like a flower in a vase

a moment caught in glass



the rays of sunlight come and beckon me

to a sleepy dreamy haze

a sense of summer days



if only i could stop the flow of time

turn the clock to yesterday

erasing all the pain



i've only memories of happiness

such pleasure we have shared

i'd do it all again



the scenery is evergreen

as buds turn into leaves, the colours live and breathe

the scenery is evergreen

your tears are falling silently



so full of joy, you are a child of spring

with a beauty that is pure

an innocence endures



you flow right through me like a medicine

bringing quiet to my soul

without you i'm not whole



this scenery is evergreen

i need you far too much, i long to feel your touch

this scenery is evergreen

you've always been so dear to me



this scenery is evergreen

it sorros at the sight of seeing you so sad

this scenery is evergreen

i wish that i could dry your tears



the bells have rung, the time has come

i cannot find the words to say my last goodbye

this scenery is evergreen

you've always been so dear to me